Present

So I get around to writing again. I know, it's been a while. Here's some things on my mind lately. I just turned 48. Yep. That's the big thing on my mind...well, that and about 200 other things. At 48 years old I look back at my life (more of that later in "Past") and you know what, God has been really good to me. There were many, many times that I know for sure that God could have said, "Enough is enough, I'm bringing you up here to heaven to play the harp." But, God is a God of second, and third, and forth chances so He let me stay a little longer.


Have you ever tried to figure out what it is exactly God has called you to do, like why he let me stay a little longer? "Why yes, John, I would say you're called to be a worship arts pastor," you might answer. Yeah, that could be true, but that's only part of the picture. But let's look at that first...


I have the honor and the privilege of working with a great team of people to dream, create and execute worship services every single week for about 800 people. I have a pastor who trusts my judgement and oversees, but does not micro-manage the work I do. I am surrounded by incredible teams of people that decorate sets, pick the music, load the lyrics and videos, operate the lights and the sound console, direct and operate cameras, lead with their voices and their instruments, actors and readers, video shooters and editors and on and on. All of this so that those 800 people might catch a glimpse of, or just touch the garment of the creator of the universe. God doesn't need any of us to reach people, but He chooses to use us for whatever reason; to allow us to participate, to encourage the use of the gifts He has given us - wow, what an honor.


As important as all of that is - that's not the MOST important thing God has called me to do. The most important thing he has called me to do is to love Him. When God gave me that forth or fifth or tenth chance, I fell in love with Him all over again. That's not to say that our relationship isn't up and down. He stands back and folds His arms and watches me make our relationship more difficult than it needs to be. Do I really understand His love for me? Do I really understand unconditional love that would warrant the sacrifice of His Son? I don't think I do. I'm still a work in progress; beating myself up at every turn in the road - making our relationship harder than it needs to be as I said before. Maybe when I'm 58 I'll have different words to write but right now? I've got a ways to go.


The second most important thing - that's right, even before my "calling" as a worship arts pastor, is Donna and the boys. Wow. That's all I can say...wow. As selfish a person as I've been for so many years I never could understand why God blessed me so much with my wife and kids. I am just now at a point in my life where I'm realizing that selfish pursuits don't do anyone any good. For me, my career/ministry has called me to be away from my family a good bit of the time. I haven't had a 9-5 job in many years. This, however has all been a part of being able to provide for my family using the talents and abilities God has given me - I don't have a "normal" set of 9 to 5 skills! Donna has been my support - she patiently waited for me to get my degree as we barely had food to eat. She's packed up our house a half a dozen times to move to the location God was calling us, or should I say me to...and she's endured my selfish pursuits in other areas. Same with the boys...do they really mean "that's OK dad," when I tell them we can't watch a movie because I'm playing at a coffee house? I always wonder if that will come back to bite me in the "you-know-what" somewhere down the road. At 48, God is finally getting it through my thick head...God, Family, Others. I hope it doesn't take you that long...